


Ocean of Space between Us

by SweetSilentSteps



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Action/Adventure, Anxiety Attacks, Drama & Romance, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medication, Mention of Past Traumatic Events, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Potential Triggers, References to Depression, Stuck on a planet together trope, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 01:07:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11346816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetSilentSteps/pseuds/SweetSilentSteps
Summary: Jim feels the weight of the world on his shoulders; Spock offers to lighten the load.





	Ocean of Space between Us

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the 2017 T'hy'la Bang! Every ones stories and art have been amazing so far and I'm so excited to be apart of this challenge with all of these wonderful people.
> 
> You can find the stunning art done by the very talented leifor: [here](http://leifor.tumblr.com/post/162394397735/the-illustration-for-the-thyla-big-bang-fic)  
> I also made like a weird playlist of inspiration songs: [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRL-M2gbO91MIGil0kcVhQXGSakRpjCsA)  
> A big thank-you to Max and Katey for being wonderful betas readers and picking up my mistakes or awkward Australian grammar! 
> 
> Optional titles for this fic consisted of  
> Shape of You  
> Actual Disney Princess Jim Kirk  
> Jim your Spock is showing

*****  
‘Let me help. A hundred years or so from now, I believe, a famous novelist will write a classic using that theme. He’ll recommend those three words even over I love you.’  
******

Breathe in. Count to four. Exhale. Count to four.

Jim repeated the steps several times more before he let his shoulders relax down to their normal position. Bones had recommended the exercise to help with his increasing anxiety. The leadership of a Starship was no easy task, made even worse when his mind started to panic. He was going to give himself a heart attack if it kept up. The crew was always his priority; he had a responsibility to them all to keep them alive in this vast black void. But sometimes when he was alone, all he wanted to do was curl up under a sheet and fall asleep to the sounds of home. The soft rustle of leaves, the birds singing, hell, even the sound of an old lawnmower would be a welcome change to the silence of space.

He found himself in the evenings to be wandering, greeting crew as he passed with a solemn nod and a polite smile. None of them knew of the storm that raged on in his head. They had been on this mission three years yet his captaincy never got any easier. Whilst he had the best crew surrounding him and supporting him, the hard decisions always came down to him. And sometimes that killed him. He tried his best not allow himself to become jaded and cold because of his duties but that was harder than it sounded. So he found his way into one of the observation decks, the over-sized windows peering out into the unknown. He pressed his forehead to the glass and closed his eyes, a secret part of him wishing he was floating out there instead.

He didn’t react when he heard the door open behind him nor did he move when footsteps moved over to beside him. He already knew who it was without having to look. Spend enough time with someone and you begin to recognise the little things they do. Spock had a very particular way of walking, his footsteps and stride very different from those around him. Jim could pick him out of a crowd from a mile away without ever having to see his face. His first officer had found him, even though he was hardly hiding.  
“Captain,” Spock began without even a hint from Jim that he was listening. “The conference with Edosian council has been rescheduled to tomorrow at oh-eight-hundred.”

Jim’s brow creased and he turned his head slightly to look at his first. “And on whose order?”

“Mine, Captain.” Jim raised his head.

“Why did you do that, Mr. Spock?” 

Spock cleared his throat “Captain, permission to speak freely?”

“Granted. What’s on your mind, Spock?”

“The past three solar days I have noted a decrease in your work efficiency. At first it was an unnoticeable amount, point oh-six percent. However it has increased to three point eight percent.”

Jim raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“Yesterday I noticed you in the presence of Dr. McCoy. However while this is not alarming or unusual, I was made aware it was the third time that day you had visited sickbay, leading me to assume you were seeking not just companionship, but perhaps treatment of some kind. As you reached out to Dr. McCoy and not myself, it is logical to assume that your problem is emotionally based.”

“What are you getting at, Spock?” Jim finally asked. He’d long since passed over the idea that Spock wanted the captain’s chair. The Vulcan had little desire for leadership, preferring his scientific studies. What left his mouth next was not quite what he’d been expecting.

“Jim, let me help you.” The surprise on Jim's face gave way to a genuine smile, the corner of his eyes crinkling up. He couldn’t help the chuckle, which shook his form slightly. “Captain?” Spock, alarmed by his reaction, moved over to his side. Jim regained some self control and shook his head.

“It’s all right, Spock.” He said, reaching out to place his hand on Spock’s arm. “I’m just amused about how you always seem to hit the head of the nail.”

“Captain?”

“Yes, I’m having an emotional problem.” He let his hand slide off Spock, turning to look back out the window. “It’s not easy being the captain sometimes, and recently it’s been getting to me. McCoy’s put me on some medication to help the anxiety, but I’m not so sure of it.”

“Dr. McCoy has your best interests in mind. And he is a trained medical professional; his advice is sound and logical.” 

Jim chuckled. “I’m going to tell him that.”

“Captain please.” The serious note in Spock’s voice made him turn to look at him. “At least try the medicine.”

Jim sighed heavily through his nose. “Very well, Mr. Spock. I acquiesce to your logic.”

“A wise decision, Captain.” Spock quipped with one of his half smiles. “Perhaps a game of chess will help take your mind of things for a while.” Jim smiled.

“Your place or mine?”

“As the chess set still remains in your quarters, yours it is.” With a gesture Spock offered for Jim to lead the way out of the observation deck before he followed behind. They walked side by side through the corridors, Spock partaking in the idle chatter Jim supplied. That was odd. Spock was never much for pointless conversation. Perhaps Spock was more worried about him than he let on. He knew his first officer cared, somewhere deep in that Vulcan heart he hid so well. It also wasn’t like Spock hadn’t offered his help in the past. In fact, Jim knew Spock would take a bullet for him if he asked. Not that he ever would ask that of anyone, particularly not his first.

They made it back to his room with little delay beyond an ensign nearly knocking him down after coming around the corner too quickly. He punched in his code and the door slid open smoothly to admit them to the room. While Spock went straight to the chessboard to set up, Jim procured their usual drinks. Chess with Spock was the only time that he willingly drank tea. He settled the drinks down first before taking his seat across from Spock.

“Black or white, Mr. Spock?” He asked conversationally, picking up his cup to blow on his tea.

“Black.” Spock motioned for him to make the first move. Jim smiled and shifted so he could move one of his pawns. Spock followed after. They played on, carefully considering one another across the table. Jim had to admit he didn’t feel entirely confident in his choices and he knew it showed. But Spock made no comment on it, and played on as if this were any other game.

“Checkmate, Captain.” He said smoothly, moving his queen in for the kill.  
Jim snorted. “Ah yes, you win, Mr. Spock.” He confirmed before downing the rest of his tea in a few gulps. It’s warmth had long since fled the cup, leaving only cold dregs in its wake, which he forced down.

“Would you like another game?” Spock offered, already beginning to move the pieces back to their starting positions.

“Not tonight, I should turn in.” Jim stood and moved over to his desk, swiping the bottle of pills he'd left there earlier. He weighed it in his hand for a moment before glancing back over at Spock. The Vulcan nodded silently, as if already knowing the question he was going to pose. Resigned, Jim cracked open the bottle and took a pill, swallowing it. He’d grown accustomed to the hypos McCoy enjoyed inflicting upon him, their effects almost instantaneous. However after a few moments it became clear nothing was happening, his mind still turmoil. He frowned and turned to Spock.

“I don't think it’s working...I still feel the same.”

“Perhaps Captain...” Spock paused as Jim put the bottle down. “You should rest on it, and see how you fare in the morning.” Jim smiled ruefully.

“You're probably right Spock. That is rather, a logical assumption.” That remark earned him a classic Spock eyebrow raise.

“Indeed, Captain.”

*****

He truly wanted to believe that waiting would make it better. But it really didn't. Two days more he took the pills and yet instead of feeling less anxious, he felt more and more on edge. It was creeping up on him through his subconscious, filling his mind with 'what if' scenarios that he knew logically were far too outrageous to happen, but part of him still believed they would. Someone tapped him on the shoulder in the recreation room and he'd nearly jumped out of his skin.

Nothing like that normally scared him, but in that moment he had been terrified. He'd fled the scene not long after, ashamed of what had occurred. After that he had found comfort in his room, filing through paperwork he'd needed to catch up on anyway. It was mundane and perfectly kept his mind occupied and those troubling thoughts out. Perhaps this was what he needed to do. Not take some pills which only seemed to be making it worse, but keep his head busy so it didn't have the time to worry. His Conn then buzzed and he flicked the switch on.

“Kirk here.”

“Captain.” Nyota’s voice began, smooth and sweet. “There's been an accident in engineering; I’m putting Scotty through to you now, Sir.”  
“Cap't.” Scotty's accent carried through the Conn as Jim flicked over a report of their last scouting mission. “One of these greenhorn ensigns we picked up on.....has managed to....got to fix it....”

Scotty's voice wavered in an out as a sudden high pitched silence filled Jim’s ears. His limbs went numb, locked in place. His blinking slowed as his heart rate and breath increased. Soon he was gulping for air, unable to hear Scotty calling his name worriedly. His eyes stared unfocused at the wall opposite him, his mind racing with no clear indication of what had happened. He felt like he was dying. He forced his hand to move, punching the button on the Conn, his direct line to his first.

“Spock!” He choked out. If there was any answer, he didn't hear it as he tried to get up and ended up on the floor. His limbs were shaking now, and he was still heaving. Then the tears came fast and sudden, springing up to his eyes and spilling over down his face. All he could do was curl up on his side and attempt to hold himself.

“Jim!” He hadn't even heard the door open. He looked up to see Spock knelt over him worriedly, even going so far as to place a hand on his arm. Jim could barely speak, a sob heaving through him instead. Spock looked alarmed, glancing around as if trying to find something to help. He left Jim's view for a moment, and then returned, draping a blanket over him as he went. He knelt back down in front of Jim. It was obvious from the look on his face he had no idea what to do.

“Can...Can you talk to me?” Jim finally managed to whisper out. Spock nodded and thought for a moment.

“Hydrogen,” Spock began quietly, placing his hand back on Jim's arm to assess his condition. “Helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, fluorine,” The more Spock spoke, Jim felt himself slowly coming back down. He took a few deep slow breaths, focusing on the elements leaving his friends mouth. Once his breathing had returned to normal, Spock fell silent watching him.

“I believe you just experienced an anxiety attack, more commonly known as a panic attack.” He said. Jim pulled the blanket tighter around himself.

“Whatever it was, I felt like I was dying.” he admitted.

“Perhaps you should get some rest and consult the doctor in the morning.”

Jim nodded to his suggestion. “Do you think you could continue reciting the periodic table, though? I...I found it quite soothing, it might help me sleep.” 

The corner of Spock's lip twitched up. “As you wish.” He helped Jim to his feet and over to the bed. Once the man was settled in, Spock rested his hands behind his back.

“You were up to arsenic.” Jim reminded before Spock could begin. The Vulcan raised an eyebrow, then nodded and continued like he'd never stopped. Jim curled onto his side and closed his eyes, letting Spock's voice lull him off to sleep. He could have sworn before he drifted completely, that a hand brushed gently against his head, smoothing his hair down. He might have imagined it though, as that was the first night in a long time he dreamed of Iowa and his mother.

*****

His first officer was a persistent man. Jim had discovered this early into their friendship that there was little he could do when Spock made up his mind. And Spock had decided he wouldn’t rest until Jim had consulted McCoy on his panic attack.

Jim tried to wave him off the next morning, but he followed after him--all the way into the mess hall, spouting off his usual logical remarks.

“Mr. Spock.” He finally snapped, turning to him. “Report to the bridge.” His tone drew the attention of some of the crew around them. Spock stood up a little straighter, his mouth forming into an unpleasantly thin line.

“Captain.” He gave a nod and marched off without another word. Jim sighed and moved over to one of the replicators to punch in his meal code. A figure slid up beside him, leaning against the wall.

“You two havin’ a lovers tiff?” McCoy asked as Jim angrily pulled his tray out of the machine.

“You and Spock both need to mind your own business.” Jim retorted turning and taking his meal over to an empty table.

“Now, now; I’m just worried is all.” The doctor said calmly, taking a seat opposite him. “How’re you holding up?” Jim speared a piece of fruit and didn’t answer until he’d chewed it.

“I’m fine, Bones.” McCoy huffed and sat back in his seat.

“Now don’t go giving me that nonsense. You can order Spock not to speak of it, but I’m your doctor. You can’t hide it from me.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I’m handling it.”

“You have over three hundred people’s lives in your hands, Jim. It’s natural to feel...”

“Bones.” Jim cut him off suddenly. “Leave this conversation for sickbay or private quarters.” McCoy nodded then rolled his eyes.

“You’ll be the death of me kid. If you don’t do yourself in first.” He said grimly before rising to stalk out. No doubt he was heading back to sickbay to take out his frustrations on some young ensign. So long as he wasn’t on Jim’s back. Once he’d finished his meal--as no one had sat to join him like usual--he made his way down to engineering. Helping that mad-man would take his mind off things for a while.

*****

Scotty was pleased to see him when he arrived, chattering away about what they were doing. Jim was soon roped into some repairs and he worked diligently, allowing his mind to focus on the task. He wouldn’t let there be a repeat of last night. The ensigns around him were happy to talk to him, though some were obviously a bit intimidated by the fact their captain was working beside them. But he simply laughed it off to let them know he was also human. So very human and as flawed as they were. That seemed to calm their nerves. Eventually he ended up hanging by his legs from a pipe, being passed tools by an ensign on a ladder below him.

“I need that soldering iron, please.” He pointed in the direction he could see it. The ensign nodded and slid down the ladder to retrieve it. Jim had just returned to his work when he heard a scream from nearby. Without hesitation he flipped down off the pipe onto the ladder, sliding down to the ground. The ensign he’d been working with followed after him hurriedly as he ran in the direction of the scream. 

Sitting outside one of the maintenance tunnels was a young lieutenant, a huge gash across her arm. Jim sprung into action, ripping off part of his shirt to wrap around the bleeding injury.

“Call sickbay,” He ordered the ensign, who scrambled off to the wall Conn nearby. Scotty then came screaming around the corner, a few of his engineer crew on his tail.

“I told all of ya this tunnel was off limits, lassie!” He reprimanded as Jim stood and allowed the Scotsman to take his place holding the material to the girl’s arm. The engineer stumbled out a sobbed apology as Jim silently excused himself from the room. Scotty knew the deal with injuries and he could handle this situation. 

So Jim fled engineering, the anxiety suddenly sneaking up on him. Scenarios that hadn’t happened suddenly sprung to mind. The ensign lying dead on the floor, blood pooling around her lifeless corpse. Then his duty of having to inform her family of her death. A death that shouldn’t have happened. Jim shook his head trying to shake the idea from his mind, but it was simply replaced with another. The ensign’s body charred from the inside out-

He smacked himself, reminding himself how silly that was. The ensign was alright. She simply had a cut on her arm that McCoy would have bandaged up in no time. He was worried over nothing, yet it still troubled him. The doors to his cabin slid shut behind him and he fell against them, breathing a sigh. Even in the supposed safety of his room, the thoughts didn’t disappear. With a groan he gripped his head and let himself fall to the floor, sprawled out on his stomach.  
Maybe if he closed his eyes it would all go away. It never worked like that however. Instead, the ensign turned into Dr McCoy. A hostile alien was tearing him apart easily, limb from limb and Jim could only watch helplessly.

Then McCoy became Uhura, trapped in an airlock with no escape as the Romulan's gleefully sucked her out into space. His mind went through all of his senior staff, envisioning all the potential deaths they could face, and it was driving him insane. He couldn’t find peace this way. And when Jim saw Spock dying, he lost the battle with his tears, his mind killing one of his best friends. He pressed his face into the floor, nails digging painfully into the back of his head. He was the captain of a Starship, yet here he was on his floor crying about the imaginary death of his crew. The board would have a field day if they ever got wind of it and he knew it would cost him the Enterprise. His body just wouldn’t respond though, remaining there as if glued to the floor.

He sensed the presence in the room before he felt the firm hand rest on his back. The gentle creature proceeded to lift him up to his knees. Spock had the ability to snap Jim in two if he so wished, but instead he was carefully making sure he was strong enough to stand on his own and make it to the bed. Jim collapsed, his head falling into his hands as Spock knelt before him.

“You shouldn’t have to take care of me like this.” Jim muttered through his fingers.

“It is my duty aboard this ship to advise and assist you.” Spock reminded, reaching over to tug a blanket within Jim’s reach.

“But-“ Jim lifted his head, ready to argue, but Spock cut him off.

“Captain, you did not take your medication this morning.” It wasn’t a question.

“Of course I did.” Jim said, looking down at his feet.

“You have not. I made note of the position of the bottle last night and it has remained stationary.” 

“Spock this is none of your business!” Jim growled, suddenly feeling the anger spike. He felt embarrassed and ashamed. Spock didn’t flinch at the tone, regarding him with a calm expression.

“Your health and ability to continue leading this Starship is my top priority. If you cannot captain this ship effectively, then the admiralty will remove you.” Spock placed his hand on Jim’s knee. “Jim, for the sake and safety of everyone on board, you must take your medication.” His voice had a serious note to it that Jim couldn’t ignore. He sighed heavily. Spock was right, as usual. The pills were making it temporarily worse, but without them he was even more of a mess.

“You should rest.” Spock’s hand disappeared from his knee as the man stood, and Jim watched him with half-lidded eyes.

“Yes...Yes...” Jim mumbled, falling back onto his bed and closing his eyes. He didn’t hear the Vulcan leave, his body shutting down into sleep almost immediately, worn out from his worrying.

*****

“Keptin, we’re coming up on Targon VI.” Chekov reported monotonously as Jim stepped out of the turbo lift onto the bridge.

“Mr. Spock, report.” He took his place in the Captain's chair, watching the planet on the view screen.

“Scans indicate a ninety-five percent match to Earth’s atmosphere, with high concentrations of unknown mineral deposits. Also indications of life forms.” Spock reported and Jim turned the chair towards him.

“Humanoid?” He asked.

“Fauna most likely.” 

Jim nodded. “Very well. Lieutenant Uhura, please organise two botanists and two security guards to meet us in the transporter room.” He rose from his chair. “Spock.” The Vulcan rose as well and followed him into the turbo-lift. 

The ride down to the transporter was quiet, neither of them seeming to want to bring up last night's incident. They would have to face it eventually, Jim knew that. He glanced at the Vulcan beside him, who was staring straight ahead at the closed doors. He seemed to sense Jim’s gaze, his eyes flicking to meet his own. They shared a look, Jim forgetting for a moment where he was. Then the doors slid open smoothly and he snapped back to reality. 

By the time they made it to the transporter room the botanists and the security detail were waiting for them. Without delay, Jim motioned for them to head up onto the pad. Once in position, he gave the order:

“Energise.”

The transporter whirred to life, sending the six party members down to the surface. Transporting always left his stomach doing flips when he rematerialised but he quickly recovered. Spock immediately trotted over to a nearby rock pile and started to examine it, eyebrows knitted together. Jim recognised it as his curious expression. The other two botanists were having a field day, picking a crystal plant each and beginning to report their findings back and forth between each other. The two security guards were scouring the perimeter, leaving Jim to hover over Spock.

“Captain this is fascinating.” Spock’s eyes lit up with excitement and Jim felt a familiar warmth stir in his chest. Spock picked up one of the ‘flowers’ he was examining and showed it to Jim. “Completely made from natural mineral crystals, forming into a rudimentary example of a rosaceae.”

“A rose in other words.”

“A crystal rose, captain.” 

Jim chuckled and took the rose, bringing it to his nose. It had a faint familiar aroma. A rich deep scent that he couldn’t quite place, though it was on the tip of his tongue. 

“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” He commented, handing the flower back to Spock, who promptly began scanning it.

“Perhaps now is not the appropriate time to be quoting a tragedy, Captain.” Spock’s eyes flicked up to him, alight with amusement. 

“Now, now, Mr. Spock, we’re perfectly safe in this area of space. A simple cut and dry mission.” 

The communicator on his hip beeped at the same time one of the botanists called out for Spock. With a nod to each other, Spock made his way over to the lieutenant, whilst Jim answered the Conn.

“Yes, Mr. Scott, how can I help you?” Jim asked. However the hairs on the back of his neck pricked up at the background noise of a loose wire sparking.

“Cap’t.” Scotty’s voice was grave. “Three ships came out of nowhere and fired on us. Damaged the transporter and a good portion of the upper decks. The airlock procedures kicked in and as far as we know no one was sucked out into space. The engineering crew is already working on repairs.”

“Can you beam us out?” Jim asked, glancing around. 

“Not all at once, Cap’t. Three at a time.” A loud explosion sounded off in the background. “Make it two at a time.”

“Understood.” He turned back to the landing party. “Prepare to beam out immediately, two by two if you would. When you’re ready, Mr. Scott.” He directed the last part to the communicator in his hand before he snapped it shut. The crew members around him scrambled into position. The two botanists vanished first, in a satisfactory hum of noise. The security members stepped up next, the hum more crackled and dangerous, the red shirt flickering in and out of existence. Once they faded completely, Jim and Spock stepped into position, side by side. However there was no hum, no feeling of tingling in his stomach of being pulled apart and then strung back together again. He pulled out his communicator hurriedly.

“Scotty?”

“I’m sorry cap’t, she gave out. You and Mr. Spock will have to wait for a bit.” Another explosion went off in the background.

“Mr. Scott, get the ship out of danger, even if it means leaving us here. Do you understand?” There was a pause of silence.

“Aye, Cap’t, but-”

“That’s an order, Mr Scott. If it’s in the ship's best interest to flee then do so.” 

“Aye.” The engineer sounded like he wanted to put up more of a fight, but didn't want to disobey a direct order. Instead, the Scotsman shouted directions to someone about getting them to warp, and within seconds the communicator went dead. Static filled the air for a moment, before Jim closed the device with a snap. 

“Looks like our leave on this planet has been extended, Mr. Spock.” Jim said, looking to him. 

Spock nodded. “We should find shelter captain, the temperature of this planet is unpredictable.”

“Right you are. There’s a stream down that way through the trees...or what I suppose are trees.” 

Similar to the flowers, the trees were made of crystal, larger and see-through. They shot out of the ground at odd angles, the leaves like tiny chandeliers, hanging in clusters of blues, purples and white. Through them Jim could see what looked to be a mountainous range, most likely where the stream ran from. Jim took the lead as they walked, Spock informing him of what he'd managed to gather through his tricorder readings, however brief. 

“What do you propose we do for food? Are any of these mineral plants edible?” Jim asked finally, once they reached the stream. The ‘water’ was more like thick sludge, oozing along the bank.

“I will have the data in a moment, Captain.” He said and Jim turned to see he'd collected several samples of the mineral plants around them and was scanning them. Jim looked back to the sludge. “It is strange captain. Many of the samples here have high concentrations of… glucose.” 

Jim paused and looked to Spock again. “Are you joking with me, Mr. Spock?”

“I am Vulcan; we do not joke.”

“Let me see those readings.” Spock handed over the tricorder and Jim scanned the screen. “It must be broken, minerals don't have sugar in them.” 

A crunch beside him made him turn his head to look at Spock. The Vulcan had taken a hefty bite out of one of the crystal roses.

“It is edible, Captain, though rather sweet.” He reported once he’d finished chewing. 

“Isn't sugar bad for Vulcan's?” Jim asked worriedly.

“Only in large amounts. I will be able to process this in small bites.” 

Jim nodded and knelt to scan the ‘water’ in front of him. He scrunched up his nose at the results. “We’re going to have to find an alternate form of water, this...ooze has traces of arsenic in it. Lethal in other words.”

“Captain, try this.” he turned as Spock handed him another one of the crystals he’d picked up, swapping it for the tricorder. 

This crystal was oval shaped and fit neatly into the palm of his hand. He glanced at Spock, who was scanning more items, before taking a testing bite. The mineral crushed easier than he’d expected, a sudden sweet juice flooding his mouth. He let out a noise of surprise and titled his head back to catch the liquid, drinking it up. Once he could taste no more, he lowered the crystal.

“These liquid crystals are suitable to rely on for thirst.” Spock reported.

“Kinda reminds me of coconuts,” Jim murmured, flipping the empty shell over in his hand. “The liquid was very sweet though, won’t that just make us dehydrated faster?”

“Until we locate a more reliable source it is our only option.” Spock pointed out bluntly. 

There was little they could do until they searched more. With a nod to one another they moved on, Jim taking the lead again. He didn’t need to glance back to know the Vulcan was following him. His only reason for turning around, twenty minutes later, was when he heard Spock give a yell, followed by a thump. Spock was face first into the ground, his legs stuck up into the air behind him comically. Jim snorted when he noticed what Spock had tripped over. 

The creature was similar to a cockroach, the only difference being it was the size of a small dog. Up until it had been disturbed, the bug had been peacefully eating away at the coconut mineral rock piles. As he watched, it curled up into a ball and rolled away in a zig-zag, bouncing off minerals and rocks in a panicked frenzy. Jim moved over to help Spock to his feet.

“Fascinating, Captain.” Spock said, dusting himself off. “A place such as this has thriving life forms.”

Jim chuckled. “Don’t think you can distract me from the fact you just tripped over a bug, Commander.” He said teasingly, picking up the tricorder and handing it back to Spock. 

For a moment he could have sworn Spock’s cheeks tinged slightly green, but then the man was turning away. Jim hid his smile and started off after the Vulcan. They trekked out into a more sparse area of crystal trees, the rock formations cropping up more often, as they made their way to the base of the mountain range. The peaks stood high against the afternoon sun, the sheer cliff faces gleaming. It would be impossible to climb them without risking a deadly fall. Jim was game if they ever returned with the proper equipment however.

“Captain.” Jim’s gaze flicked to Spock, following his outstretched arm. He gave a nod to the Vulcan when he spotted the cave carved into the side of the mountain base. Jim jumped over a few of the rocks in his path to the cave. He stopped in the mouth, examining the edge of the rock. The cave was large and spacious, seeming to wind its way deeper into the mountain.

“Looks like it's been dug by something...something big.” Jim said, looking to Spock as he arrived beside him. Spock waved the tricorder over the wall of the cave.

“Scans indeed indicate that something was here, note the traces of tissue where a creature has brushed against the wall.”

“Hm, well let's make a note to avoid this creature.” He had no intention of messing with the wildlife, especially when they were seemingly twice his size.

“Indeed, Captain.”

*****

They decided to use the cave as a temporary home base. Spock used his phaser to cut a small hole in the wall, about waist height, in which they proceeded to stuff their already collected food. Jim insisted they split up and scavenge whatever else they could. Spock agreed in the end, only begrudgingly. They went opposite directions out of the cave. Jim walked carefully, his hand ready to fire on anything that moved against him. It might not kill it, but hopefully it would give him enough time to flee.

He discovered a lake of the acidic water and was forced to follow around the edge to avoid it. However this did lead him into a field of coconut crystals. Jim’s only problem was the dog sized cockroach bugs. There were thousands of them, all clustering around the rocky mounds and eating. Jim had little wish to kill them, but he did need to get them away from the food. Looking around his eyes settled on a rock about the size of his palm. He weighed it in his hand, looked at the bugs, then took a few steps back.

When the rock landed in the midst of the bugs, the effect was immediate. Instantly every single bug in the area rolled up into a ball and started ricocheting off anything they bounced into. Some fell into the water, others scooted off into the trees nearby. It was over in a couple of seconds, the whole field cleared of the bugs. Not wanting to waste time, Jim ran forwards, pulling off his shirt to use as a makeshift basket by tying the sleeves together. He filled his gold uniform up with as many of the coconut crystals as he could, trying to grab the ones that weren't already half eaten.

As he worked the bugs slowly started returning.They did at least give him some space, wary of this new thing among their food. Before they could block him in completely, he made a break for the edge of the field, carrying his score in his arms. He didn't stop moving until he hit the tree line again, only then glancing back to see the bugs had overrun the field. A loud squeak caught his attention and his gaze was drawn to one of the closer rock piles. A smaller one of the roacher's, as he decided he would call them, had been pushed out of his eating spot by one of the larger ones. It was scurrying around trying to find another spot.

They seemed like they would be low on the food chain, but Jim took pity on it all the same. He pulled out one of the coconut crystals from his makeshift bag and laid on the ground. He placed it carefully, then shuffled back a few paces. The roacher seemed to notice him, hesitated, then curiously wandered over. When it came across the crystal, it picked it up with its front pincers before it vanished into the crevice that was its mouth. Jim bit back a chuckle, and shifted his arm very slowly to grab another crystal. He placed this one just within arms reach, leaving his hand beside it.

The roacher moved forwards, taking the crystal and eating it. It looked at Jim's hand, then at Jim himself, before it nudged his hand with its head. With a grin, Jim slowly drew his hand back to offer another. This time the roacher took it from his hand without hesitation. Once it had finished eating it shifted Jim's hand onto its head and proceeded to lay flat like he was. It was endearing how curious the roacher was with him. Gently, he began to pat its head, brushing his thumb across the hard surface of its exoskeleton.

A low growling sound emitted from the roacher, rumbling its whole form, like a purring cat. Jim was both intrigued and amused by the response. It was obvious from the moment they landed that this place was far from inhabitable for human life, yet the only creatures they’d come across seemed companionable beings. If a little strange.

The communicator on his hip beeped, causing the roacher to squeak in fear. Jim hushed it and stroked its head gently before reaching to grab the offending item.

“Yes, Mr. Spock.” He said in an undertone, trying not to scare his new friend off.

“Captain, the tricorder is picking up multiple life signs in your immediate area, are you in danger?”

“No, it’s just the roacher's.”

There was a pause. 

“The what Captain?”

“The roacher's. The dog sized bugs we came across earlier. There must be thousands of them all over this field.” As he spoke, he drew comforting circles across his new friends head. “They’re convening on this point due to the abundance of coconut crystals, seems to be their meal of choice. I was able to procure some of them for us.”

“Very well, Captain. I am returning to the cave as we speak.”

“I’ll meet you there then, Kirk out.”

Jim put the communicator back onto his belt. He looked to the roacher still enjoying being petted. With one finally scratch Jim removed his hand.

“Sorry, buddy, but I’ve gotta go.” He said softly, the roacher watching him with round eyes. Jim shifted himself to his knees, the roacher squeaking with alarm and suddenly rolling away. Jim watched them go with a fond smile before getting to his feet and grabbing his spoils.

*****

The walk back to base camp was uneventful, though he did see some curious creatures, similar to chameleons, darting across the ground. His eyes followed them until they vanished from sight, blending into the dark soil. Spock came into view not long after through the trees, standing outside the cave entrance, the tricorder in hand. Jim quickened his pace till he stood beside the man once again. Spock quipped an eyebrow at Jim and he shrugged.

“Hopefully this will last us awhile.” Jim said before making his way into the cave. He added their previous supplies to the makeshift bag. 

“Captain.” Jim turned to look at Spock, who was standing framed in the cave entrance. “You do not have your medicine, you may experience an increase in anxiety.” Jim sighed.

“I think I’ll be alright for a night or two, Spock.”

“Studies have shown that unexpected breaks in taking medications can have adverse effects-”

“Spock, I’ll be fine.”

“Jim, I disagree that you will be ‘fine’. You have had several worrying panic attacks aboard the ship and I calculate the chances of this hostile environment triggering more to be-” Jim stood up sharply, cutting off Spock’s words with a raise of his hand.

“Spock, at most we’ll be here a day. I think I can last that long without it.”

“Your body has already become accustomed to the medicine, without it you will suffer.”

“Enough Spock!” Jim finally snapped, throwing up his arms in defeat. Before Spock could reply there was a loud squeak from the entrance of the cave before a familiar creature came rolling in. Using a rock it launched itself from the ground, colliding with Spock’s leg. The Vulcan looked around wide eyed as the roacher rolled away, before coming in for another run. Spock drew his phaser.

“Wait!” Jim grabbed his wrist, forcing the phaser back. When the roacher launched itself into the air again, Jim caught it and brought it to his chest. After a few tense seconds, it seemed to realise it wasn’t moving anymore, the roacher uncurled and looked up at Jim. It let out a content rumbling growl causing Jim to chuckle.

“Mr. Spock. I appear to have made a friend.” Jim said looking to the Vulcan, whose eyebrows had just about hit the ceiling. 

“Captain…”

“I may have fed it some of the crystal coconuts earlier, must have followed me home.”

“Ah.” Was all Spock managed to say as he stuffed away his phaser. 

“Seeing as it decided to stay, I think I’m going to call it...Roachie.” Spock turned back to him suddenly, wide eyed.

“You intend to keep the creature? Captain, that is highly unwise.”

“Roachie here means us no harm; I think they only attacked you because it could tell you were bothering me.” Jim shrugged and held out the bug in front of him. 

“Hey, Roachie, who's a good bug?” Roachie looked at him curiously. “You are, you’re a good bug!” For a moment the bug tilted its head, then wiggled happily in Jim’s hands.

“Captain...I...I don't believe…” It wasn't very often that Spock stumbled over his words. However when Jim looked to him, he could tell under that stoic face Spock was bemused by his captain coddling a bug.

“Don't worry, Mr. Spock, I won't let this place drive me mad.” Jim promised, putting Roachie down with a laugh that reverberated off the cave walls.

*****

Later, Jim wandered deeper into the cave, with Roachie at his side. His only source of light was the communicator screen as he wandered through the tunnels. He found a few cave ins, but didn't dare wander too far down the other tunnels, not without Spock or the tricorder. When he made his way back to base camp at the mouth of the cave, he found Spock had been busy. He had created a campfire with some of the usable rocks, however in lieu of a fire he had arranged pieces of crystal into a vague star shape. As Jim approached Spock placed the last of the pieces of crystal and stood to face him.

“Found a couple of cave ins and perhaps a way through the mountains.” Jim reported before lowering himself next to the makeshift fire. He appraised it for a moment then gave an easy grin.

“I do believe fires are meant to be warm, Mr. Spock.” He teased. The Vulcan, almost, huffed and moved over to their stockpile of food and picking it up from Roachie’s reach. Spock had also made the hole in the wall more efficiently larger, able to fit the whole bag of fruit into it now, far from the reach of critters like their new pet. In the back of his mind Jim wondered if Bones would let him keep Roachie. No doubt the southerner would kick up a hilarious fuss at the mere thought of the idea. As if reading his mind, Spock spoke up.

“It would be unwise to bring the creature aboard the Enterprise with us.” Jim pouted as Spock, finished in his task, took a seat across the fire from him.

“But just imagines Bones’ face when I tell him to check Roachie for diseases.” Jim offered, grinning at Spock.

“Dr. McCoy would no doubt be horrified by the notions, however that does not give one good enough reason to take an alien species on board. Until we know more about this planet it is wise for us to not get too involved in its ecosystem.”

“So befriending Roachie wasn't a good idea then.”

“No, it was not a ‘good idea’ to involve the local fauna.”

“But their so cute.” Jim picked up Roachie again, putting the creature into his lap and beginning to stroke it. “Can't I keep them for now? I mean after all they did try to protect me.”

“I am afraid, as the one it attacked, I will have to vote against the roacher staying.”

“Hey you used the name!” Jim suddenly interrupted with a smile.

“As chief science officer it falls to me to name new species we come across. As such, I could not come up with a more accurate name and rather than calling them exoskeleton insect class, specimen one; roacher will be sufficient for the time being.”

Jim couldn't help the smug grin that came onto his face.

“Alright so you can say roacher, but how about you call Roachie. It needs to trust both of us.”

“I take that as you intend to keep it.”

“Indeed I do, Mr. Spock.” Jim put Roachie back on the ground. “Alright, call him Spock.” The Vulcan looked extremely uncomfortable as he shifted to his knees. After a moment of silence, he spoke.

“Here, Roachie.” 

The bug completely ignored him, nudging Jim's hand for more attention.

“Here, Roachie.” Spock tried again, but the bug continued to ignore him, even when Jim tried to coax it over. 

“Try getting it a piece of coconut crystal, they love that.”

“Jim that is our stockpile-”

“There is plenty more in the field I found, come on, Spock, just give it a go.” Jim encouraged. Though obviously reluctant, Spock rose again to grab a coconut crystal. He knelt back down, and offered out to the crystal to the bug.

“Here Roachie.” 

Roachie finally looked to Spock, then crawled his way over the crystal fire to him and the food. Without hesitation the bug ate the crystal straight from Spock’s hand, then started looking for more. 

“Told you.” Jim said with a grin as Roachie rubbed his head against the back of Spock’s hand. The Vulcan pulled his hand back like he’d been burnt, staring incredulously. Jim motioned for him to pet the bug. After a moment he put his hand back down, petting the bug on the head twice before pulling his hand back again.

“Are you satisfied now?” Spock asked, his eyebrow reaching his hairline. Jim chuckled and nodded.

*****

Slowly but surely the light outside faded, the day drifting into night. Jim was expecting the world to plunge into complete darkness. However they were delighted to find that when the sun disappeared behind the horizon, the crystals that dotted the landscape started to glow faintly. It was by no means as bright as daylight, but the soft glow was enough to see by. The crystals Spock had set up in the fire pit had started to glow also, illuminating their little cavern with light. Roachie had settled down beside the pit, curled up in a ball, the soft sound of its purring rumble the only noise in the air.

Spock was silent as well, deep into his meditation and Jim remained quiet out of respect. Instead he tasked himself with scanning whatever was within reach. The crystals, Roachie, even the rocks. It was, as Spock would say, fascinating to discover all the elements that shouldn't have worked, but somehow were on this planet. When there was nothing else left to scan in arms reach, Jim took out the communicator and began to fiddle with it. Scotty had made it sound like the enterprise had been damaged heavily, and he had no reason to believe that they would be back so soon to retrieve them. But Spock’s concerns from earlier were on his mind. What if he did have a breakdown on this planet with his medication.

He shook his head, unwilling to continue the thought. It would only lead him down a path he had no intention of travelling right now. He felt bad for having to rely on Spock should he fall into an attack, but at the same time until he learnt how to control it, he was useless in that state. Spock shifted in the dirt across from him, and he looked up to meet the Vulcan's dark eyes.

“How was your meditation?” Jim asked politely, unsure of what else to say.

“Adequate.” Spock replied, straightening out his shirt. “Jim, I have something I wish to ask of you.”

“Shoot.”

“What do you think it is triggering your panic attacks?”

Jim sat stunned for a moment, processing the question. He opened his mouth, shut it then looked to his feet.

“Well…” Jim started softly, pulling his knees up into his chest. “I haven't really considered anything relating to that.”

“Perhaps you should. I have been calculating the data and I have come to the conclusion you have a tendency towards catastrophic thinking. In our line of work it is not unusual for things to go wrong, however your mind has begun to take that thinking and apply it to everyday situations. And that Jim is extremely unhealthy.”

“I just don’t want more people to die...not after…”

“I know Jim.” Jim looked back up, meeting Spock’s eyes again. Sometimes he wondered if it was a good thing that Spock knew about Tarsus and all that had happened to Jim there. Then times like this he was thankful when he didn’t have to repeat the events for the sake of letting the man know.

“Perhaps you are right though. After...that...I did take to always preparing for the worst. And after all that’s happening in the past three years, perhaps it was destined that I would start overthinking everything.”

“Jim.” Spock’s voice was low, soft. “We will not die here.”

“I know Spock,” Jim replied with a small nod. “I know.”

*****

Days passed in radio silence. The temperature of the planet was thankfully generally warm all the time, however their food sources were poor. Whilst the coconut crystals were an abundance, the more they ate, the worse off they felt. Spock only ate twice in the day and Jim could tell it was starting to have an effect on him. Jim on the other hand, getting paranoid, but tried his best to hide it from Spock. Whenever Spock sunk into meditation for the night, Jim would take out the communicator and fiddle with it, trying to get something, anything, that was a signal. But there was nothing, night after night.

On the third night, Jim laid down beside the crystal fire with Roachie curled in beside his head. Spock was lying rigid on the ground across from him. The world outside was quiet and it was easy for him to drift off to sleep, despite the grumbling in his stomach and the headache that pounded his brain. 

It wasn't often that Jim dreamed, slipping into a plane of existence entirely in his mind. The dream started out quiet; he sat among a field of barley, drifting in a soft northern wind. The sun was just starting to set, the sky a mix of purple, deep pinks and honey orange. It was peaceful, calm. He laid back among the barley, stretching out and relaxing in the warm afternoon glow.  
But the sun suddenly sank behind the horizon, the clouds drifting overhead growing darker.

Thunder rolled threatening in the distance before lightning struck the ground not far from him. He shot up in fright, watching as the barley began to smoke, the fire crackling into life. It spread quickly, the flames frowning higher. It was pointless to run but he did, the fire soon catching up to him, surrounding him. Jim spun on the spot, looking for an escape but before he could the ground beneath him opened up and he fell with a silent yell. 

He landed painlessly in a crouch, the world around him black like the void. He called out but made no sound. Off to his left he could hear the soft sobbing of a woman. Between her tears he could hear her mumbles of her lost child. To his right a man was pleading, begging for his life. His knees found the ground with a startlingly familiar stab of pain. 

He opened his eyes to find specks of light filtering through the hessian bag that was over his head. The man pleading beside him got louder, then suddenly cut off to the sound of a gunshot. A heavy thud landed next to him and he involuntarily gasped. There was the click of a phaser being reloaded and he held his breath. 

Thud. 

Thud.

The shooter took two carefully placed steps towards him. He felt the end of a phaser pressed against his forehead. It was over now. He closed his eyes. The trigger clicked and the phaser fired.

With a start, Jim shot up, scaring Roachie and sending the bug rolling across the cave floor. Gasping for breath, he reached out for something, anything to grab and hold onto. There was a shuffling from beside him, indicating he had woken Spock.

"S-spo..." He could barely choke out the man's name, his mind reeling. Then an arm was there, followed by a chest. He latched onto the shirt immediately, as Spock pulled him into his chest, settling down beside him.

"You are alright. You are alive. You were dreaming." Spock began softly as Jim continued struggling to breathe. He tightened his grip on his shirt, choking on air and causing his eyes to well up with tears. "Breath Jim, follow my pattern." Spock laid Jim's hand flat across his chest, taking deep, calm breaths, encouraging Jim to do the same. 

Roachie, having discovered there was no danger, wandered back over and placed itself in Jim's lap. Whether it was simply looking for attention, or was sensing that Jim was distressed, he wasn't sure, but was thankful for the comfort. Slowly he managed to calm, his breathing falling into pattern with Spock's. After a moment Jim dared to look up at the man holding him. For a mad moment he let himself believe this could be real, then reality kicked in as Spock released him to arms length.

"Are you well?" Spock asked, his brow furrowed. Slowly Jim nodded. 

"Thank you." He said earnestly. 

"Would you like something to drink?" Spock offered, going to get up. Unsure he wanted Spock to leave him yet, Jim clung a little tighter to his shirt.

"No..no...I...I just, need a minute." Spock nodded in understanding and settled back down beside him. Jim kept breathing slowly for a few moments, reminding himself that this was all real and that he wasn't back on Tarsus. He closed his eyes tightly, gripping tighter onto Spock’s shirt, before he let go with a elongated sigh. His hands, still shaking, found Roachie in his lap, beginning to pet the bug.

“Jim.” Spock’s voice was deep and low, worried even. Jim met his intense gaze for a moment, before he couldn’t bare to keep it any longer.

“I’m so sorry, Spock…” Jim whispered, looking down into his lap.

“Do not apologize, Jim.” Spock’s tone was sharp and caused Jim to start and look back up at him suddenly. “You are unwell, and as your first officer it is my duty to assist you. And as your friend it is even more so.” That cause a soft smile to form on Jim’s face.

“Am I ever lucky to have you as a friend, Mr. Spock.”

“Indeed.” Spock took the opportunity to move, getting some of the coconut crystals and returning to Jim. Jim frowned but took the offered coconut crystals.

“I told you, you don’t need to take care of me.” Jim said, weighting the crystals in his hand.

“And I have repeatedly told you, Jim, to let me help.” Spock sat down across the fire pit from him, and Jim found himself disappointed with the space now between their forms. However he shook it off and laughed instead,letting the noise fill the air instead of unpleasant silence.

“You seemed a lot more confident in helping me calm down this time Spock.” Jim noted suddenly. Spock had leaped right into action this time, unlike before. If it was possible, Jim could have sworn the Vulcan tinged slightly green, but the light of the crystals made it hard to tell. 

“After your first attack I did some research on methods of assisting those who are having such attacks. With your current status, I believe it was appropriate.”

Jim could only stare at the Vulcan in awe. “You did that for my sake?”

“I believed it to be a useful skill should anyone else on the ship require assistance with such an occurrence.” Which Jim knew to mean, ‘yes but I don't want to say so’. A smile broke his features again and he looked down at the purring bug in his lap. They lapsed into comfortable silence before Spock mentioned there was still a few hours before daylight. Wordlessly the two settled back down to sleep once again.

When Jim woke again, Spock had already gone. So the blonde man tasked himself with counting how many of the coconut crystals they had left. Soon he would have to venture back to that field for more, they had been eating them at an alarming rate. Jim’s prediction had been somewhat right. The sweetness of the crystals were increasing his need for more, and they supplied only a little of nutritional value, leaving him feeling constantly hungry. Spock was better at controlling his reactions but Jim could tell he was just as hungry as Jim was. 

If Vulcan’s weren’t vegetarians he would have entertained the notion of catching some of the crystal lizards that often ran past the cave entrance. How he would cook it was another problem he hadn’t figured out. He supposed he could use the phaser on the stun setting, but he didn't want to risk getting sick whilst they were trapped here. However without proper food he wasn't sure how much longer they would last. Before the thoughts could sink any further, he forced himself to get up. 

“Roachie?” He spun in a circle looking for the bug. It had been there last night when he’d settled down. Maybe it had gone with Spock? That idea made him shake his head. Roachie hadn’t entirely taken to Spock yet. Unless it got scared off. He made his way outside, momentarily shielding his eyes from the sun. Once his eyes adjusted he looked around. For the most part it was still the same scenery, except, he didn’t remember there being a rather large crystal boulder just before the tree line. At least the mystery of Spock and Roachie’s whereabouts was solved. 

Spock was at the base of the boulder, tricorder in hand, while Roachie scampered around over the boulder, squeaking. Spock was speaking quietly and only when Jim approached could he make out what he was saying.

“Yes, you are quite right Roachie, this is odd.” Spock was staring intently at the tricorder screen and didn’t react when Jim stopped beside him. Roachie however clambered down from the boulder and moved over to rub against Jim’s leg.

“Something interesting Spock?” Jim asked, leaning down to pet the bug's head.  
“Indeed captain. This boulder is not in fact a boulder. It is some kind of animal covered in the crystals that we have come across.”

“Huh.” Jim blinked in the sunlight and covered his eyes again to get a better look at the boulder creature. He kicked at the base of the boulder. “Maybe its dead?”

“I believe it is asleep.” Spock reported, tugging Jim back a step. “Therefore it is unwise to rouse it. We do not yet know whether it will take to us as easily as the roacher did.”

“Give me half a day and some coconut crystals and I reckon I could prove you wrong.”

“Jim no..”

Jim simply waggled his eyebrows at the Vulcan before picking up Roachie and wandering off back to the cave. It wasn’t too long before Spock returned as well, most likely making sure Jim wasn’t doing exactly what he said he would do. However when Spock left again in another attempt to find food, Jim made sure to sneak some coconut crystals over, leaving them where he hoped was the creature's head. 

However the rest of his time was spent in a daydream, staring out into the distance. The motion of petting Roachie felt distant and he wondered how everyone on the enterprise was doing. Mostly he wondered why they had yet to return. His mind jumped on the idea that the enterprise had been left a wreak, floating through space helplessly. And he wasn’t there to lead it. Instead he was stuck here on a planet, and could be stuck here for a lot longer. What if they never got back?

He shook his head harshly, trying to clear the thoughts, but they continued. They had only seen a small percent of the creatures on this planet. There was a high chance they would come across something dangerous and if one of them got seriously injured, there was little chance of survival. Well, Spock may survive but he certainly wouldn’t. He buried his face into his hands. Now was the worst time for his mind to start focusing on these sorts of things. 

He wasn't sure how long he spent with his head in his hands, thinking about all the ways he could die on this planet. Roachie brought him back to reality with a loud squeak, and he realised he could hear the footsteps of his returning companion. Jim tried to make it look like he hadn't been having yet another panic attack, counting down from five to slow his heart rate. He also did his best to wipe the fear from his expression. From the way Spock observed him as he sat across the fire, he mustn't have done a very good job. But the Vulcan said nothing, perhaps he felt he had said enough already. 

"Did you uncover anything new about the mountains yet?" Spock finally asked, looking up at Jim.

"Other than we'll die if we climb them, no. I walked as far around as I dared yesterday and it doesn't seem like there's any way over them. We may have to consider going through the mountains like we discussed before."

"That is an unfavourable option. We do not know what is in these caves."

"Yeah, it's a wonder whatever made this tunnel hasn't tried to exit it again."

"It is likely the creature ventured out to the opposite side of the mountain."

"Is guess we can only hope so." Jim settled back against the wall over the cave, his eyes lingering on Spock for a moment longer before he dropped them to the crystals glowing between them.

"Goodnight Jim."

"G'night Spock."

*****

The days stretched on. Sometimes Jim wandered around outside to the boulder by the forest edge, which still hadn't moved, at least it hadn't while he was looking. Everyday he placed out a few coconut crystals and by nightfall they were gone. Whether the boulder creature was eating them, or Roachie, he didn't know. Still it felt like he was making progress with something. The lack of communication from their ship was starting to worry him greatly as more days rolled on. Unless something almost dire had happened to the ship, they should have been back to get them.

Jim was ever thankful for his first officer. Over the days Spock had kept his mind from wandering at every opportunity he could. Of course there was still times, like now, when Jim was alone and the thoughts wouldn't stop. He'd gotten somewhat better at telling himself reality from fiction, but it was nothing compared to Spock's assistance. The Vulcan's precise numbers and calculations had such a calming effect on Jim. Sometimes he entertained the idea of crawling into Spock's lap and letting himself be held while Spock repeated Pi to the eight hundredth digit. 

But of course he would never act on those thoughts. How could he? Spock was his second in command, his partner, his best friend. And as much as he yearned to he couldn't let himself get close to Spock like that. He only hoped that none of those emotions had slipped across in those brief fleeting touches they'd shared recently. It terrified him deep down to think that maybe Spock already knew the depths of his feelings. But at the same time, he rationalised that Spock would have approached him before now, if he was aware. 

Jim stared blankly out past the trees that hid their home. He'd taken to sitting atop the boulder in hopes of seeing it move and perhaps take the food he was leaving for it. The soft glow of the crystals around him became more prominent as the day sunk into night. It was getting late, Spock had yet to return. Since Jim had shown him where the field of coconut crystals were, Spock had taken to gather supplies on his own, leaving Jim to sit alone for hours at a time before he returned.

Jim was starting to wonder if something had happened. Spock couldn't have gotten lost on his way back but perhaps he had gotten distracted by something. A new animal or creature they had yet to come across in their week of being stranded. He drew his gaze away from the direction of the field, looking to the trees beside him, half expecting Spock to appear as if summoned, carrying a shirt bag full of crystals. However he didn't appear much to Jim's disappointment, and he looked over to the campfire in the cave. Roachie was curled up by the crystals, fast asleep from their walk earlier. 

The bug had been surprisingly faithful. Jim wondered how Spock would react if Jim told him he had serious intentions of bringing Roachie back with them. No doubt Spock would react the same way he did when Jim first introduced him to the creature. He'd grown attached to Roachie, as illogical humans did with their pets, and at this point he didn't think he could leave the bug behind. 

"Jim!" The sudden outcry nearly sent him toppling off the top of the boulder. His gaze whipped around to the forest, searching for the source of Spock's voice. There was no sign of the Vulcan in sight, but that had been his voice calling his name. He paused for a few seconds, listening intently.

"Jim!" There it was again, Spock's voice calling out for him from the depths of the forest beside him. He sounded weak, injured even and fear gripped at Jim's stomach. Jim leapt to his feet.

"Spock?" He called back worriedly.

"Jim! Help!" Came the reply, seeming to grow ever weaker. Spock needed his help. He clambered down from the boulder, landing heavier than he'd expected. But he picked himself up and charged into the forest head on. 

"Spock I'm coming!" He called as he passed through the first line of crystal trees. 

"Jim, this way.." Spock's voice had grown softer again.

"Where are you Spock? What's wrong?" Jim forced his way through the trees as fast as he could, their soft glow lighting his path though the rocky terrain. As he moved he started to notice the further into the forest he got, the dimmer the crystals glowed. 

"Spock where are you?" Jim called again. 

"Jim, I'm here." Spock's voice sounded close by, but deeper into the darker part of the crystal forest. Fearless, Jim ploughed forward. He pulled out his communicator, using it to illuminate his path and to sweep around and search for his fallen companion. The forest around him grew ever darker, until it was all but pitch black aside from the tiny light source he clutched in his hand.

"Spock?" Jim called again hesitantly. This time he was greeted by silence. "Spock?"

A panicked paranoia sank into his mind as he spun on the spot, eyes still attempting to adjust to the light. The communicator crackled to life in his hand and he jumped in fright before turning the dial.

"Kirk here." He said, praying it was perhaps the Enterprise.

"Captain, where are you currently?" The sound of Spock's voice leaving the communicator made his already sinking stomach plunge to the bottom of his boot.

"What do you mean where have I gone?" Jim asked. "I heard you calling for me from the forest, I followed the sound of your voice."

"Jim," Spock's voice had turned grave. "I am not in the forest, I am at the cave." A tingling shiver ran down Jim's spine at those words, his breath hitching.

"Then...whose voice did I follow?"

Without warning his feet were suddenly swept out from under him, grabbed roughly by something that bit sharply into his right leg. He cried out in pain, dropping the communicator, watching helplessly as it's light reached the ground. He tried to look around, but the communicator only lit up a tiny bit of the area and the creature which currently had a hold on him. He couldn't make out much, but what he could see terrified him.

His leg was caught in a vice like pincer, sharp edges meant for tearing skin. The head of the creature reminded him of a praying mantis, with huge eyes and a gaping oozing mouth of teeth. It had to be twice his height, and he could make out eight legs with the possibility of more. It screeched, high pitched and painful. Jim clasped his hands over his eyes, screwing his eyes shut with pain. The creature then swung around, flinging Jim like a rag doll, as the pincers dig deeper into his flesh.

"Spock!" Jim called out helplessly, wishing he had thought to grab his phaser before leaving the cave. Using only what he had, which currently was himself, he swung himself to take a wild jab into the side of the creature. With another high pitched squeak it dropped him and he hit the ground hard. Without a second to waste he scrambled to his feet, and tried to move in any direction away from the creature. He let out a grunt of pain as he attempted to step onto his shredded leg, pain shooting up his thigh.

"Spock!" He yelled as loud as he lungs would allow. But the creature was onto him,a nod Jim couldn't see in the dark. Something collided with his chest, sending him flying into one of the trees, his head cracking against the crystal. He slid to the ground again, boneless and unwilling to move.  
"Spock." He called out weakly. In the dim light the communicator provided he was able to see the glow in the creature's eyes as it bared down on him. The creature over him suddenly paused, then hissed and turned away. Through his blurry eyes Jim thought he could make out the light of a crystal through the trees. He tried to sound out Spock's name, but he was finding it harder to breath. 

Before he passed out, he heard the sound of a phaser firing twice, high pitched squeals following each shot. And then, his world went blank.

*****

When Jim came to, he was laying on his back staring up at the cave roof. He'd stared at those rocks long enough to know that this wasn't a dream. He reached up and found a neatly folded uniform shirt under his head as a pillow. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the crystal fire glowing softly.

"Jim." His eyes sought out Spock, who was sitting close by. 

"What happened?" Jim asked, trying to sit up. Spock moved over to him, placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back down.

"The creature almost killed you." Spock said gravely. 

"I heard you calling out from the forest." Jim insisted. Spock shook his head.

"No. There is an indigenous species of bird on this planet able to mimic voices. No doubt it wanted the creature to kill you and it would take in the spoils." Jim frowned.

"So it was just a bird."

"Yes." Jim groaned and rubbed his eyes roughly.

"The longer we stay here the more dangerous it gets." He complained before dropping his hands away from his face to look at his companion. Spock nodded in agreement.

"How does my leg look?" Jim asked, vaguely remembering being hung upside down. Spock breathed out through his nose.

"I have managed to stop the bleeding for now but you may find some difficulty walking for the time being." He reported. 

"Great." Jim sighed heavily. “We’re still stranded and now my leg is fucked up.” 

“You could be dead Jim.” Spock said.

“Yeah well, maybe I want to be.” Jim snapped, crossing his arms. Spock's hand flew across his face quicker than he could react to. His head snapped to the side, his cheek stinging.

“The hell was that for?” He cried, his hand going to his face, as he turned back to look at Spock. But the Vulcan had already risen and was marching out of the cave. Jim watched, regret sinking into his form. He hadn’t meant to snap at Spock like that. It wasn't fair for him to take out his emotions on Spock. With a small groan he shoved himself up onto his elbows.

Roachie was laying down flat next to his feet, once again fast asleep. It seemed Spock had fashioned bandages from his good pant leg, wrapping them tightly around his wound. It was a good job considering what little he had to work with. Jim sighed, the feeling of regret growing stronger. He forced himself into a sitting position, his back ached and he grabbed his side. He remembered vaguely colliding with a tree: that would explain the bruising he felt. 

He brought his good leg in towards him, and balanced himself forwards slightly so he could push himself to his feet. It was a wobbly process, but he managed to stand. He attempted to take a few steps, pain shooting through his leg like lightning, but he pushed through it, taking another hesitant step towards the cave entrance. When he could he used the wall to help him along, taking weight off his leg. He made it to the cave entrance and saw Spock sitting on top of the crystal boulder on the edge of the forest. If Jim didn't know any better he would say Spock was sulking, fiddling aimlessly with the tricorder in his hand. Jim sighed and started to make his way over, doing his best to not injure himself further. Either Spock didn't hear him, which was impossible with his superior Vulcan hearing, or he was completely ignoring him.

“Spock.” Jim said trying to catch the Vulcan’s attention. Spock did look to him, then slipped off the boulder landing neatly in a crouch. He stood and straightened himself out before speaking.

“You should not be walking just yet.” He chided, motioning for Jim to head back to the cave.

“Spock I gotta apologise. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Jim."

"No Spock, I really am sorry. It wasn't fair of me to do that. I'm just so angry about feeling useless, and I'm even more useless to you now." Spock sighed.

"You are forgiven, but please do not make such remarks in the future or I shall refer you to Dr. McCoy." A smile broke out over Jim's features.

"Are you threatening me Mr. Spock?" He asked teasingly. 

"Indeed captain." Spock said with a nod. He then offered his arm to Jim, allowing him to use Spock as a walking prop. Together they shambled back over to the cave. 

"The birds who tricked me.." Jim began, pausing to see if Spock was listening. "I was thinking we could call them Yabba's." Spock's eyebrow shot up.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Yabba. It's an old Terran slang word for talk. I figured it fit." The place between Spock's eyebrows creased for a moment.

"I suppose it is appropriate for now." Jim beamed.

"Admit it, you think my naming skills are great."

"They are sufficient for first attempts." Spock's cracked that half smile that sent butterflies through Jim's stomach.

"So you like them?" Jim insisted as they reached the cave.  
"I am Vulcan, we do not form emotional attachments." Came the expected reply. Spock settled him down on the cavern floor, before taking his spot across the fire pit.

"How many hours till sunrise?" Jim asked. 

"Four point, eight seven hours." Spock repeated and Jim smirked.

"Just enough time for a nap then." He joked before shifting in the dirt to get comfy. "G'night Spock."

"Goodnight Jim." Came the soft answer.

*****

Something heavily landed on Jim's bruised stomach, not only waking him, but effectively winding him also. The next sense that came to from the haze of sleep was his hearing, a loud noisy squeaking filling the air. His eyes blinked open to find Roachie on his chest, the bug in a panic. Jim reached up sleepily, petting the bug, trying to calm it.

"Shhh, Roachie, shh," he cooed, but the bug was having none of it. It nipped Jim's pinkie, cause him to sit up, sending Roachie flying off his chest.

"Ow." He said, shaking his hand before bringing the bitten finger to his mouth. Roachie wasn't phased about being tossed though, simply rolling into a ball and colliding with Jim's good leg.

"What's gotten into you?" Jim asked. Finally he looked around cave. Firstly he noticed that Spock was missing, no doubt off exploring until Jim woke. With his leg in this state he wasn't bound for leaving the cave for a few days anyway. Even then Spock would most likely leave him on watch duty, which meant he just moved to the cave entrance. Speaking of that, his heart nearly leapt from his chest when he finally noticed what had Roachie worked up. 

In the entrance of the cave was standing a large creature, about the size of a bear back home, staring at him. It's face reminded him of a turtle, with a much longer neck stretched out towards him. The legs were akin to a tortoise, except longer and thinner. All over its back was a shell made from various crystals, creating a kaleidoscope effect in the morning light. Jim didn't dare move, staring incredulously at it. 

Suddenly it opened its mouth and bellowed loudly into the cave. Jim had to cover his ears as the sound reverberated off the walls. The creature didn't seem to notice him though, simply turning away after its bellow had faded out. Jim watched in amazement as it started walking back towards the forest. It was then that he noticed the boulder at the forest's edge was gone. 

Before the creature could get out of his sight he scrambled to his feet. He was still sore and it was hard to walk and he struggled to the cave mouth, but he had to know. The creature continued ignoring him, bellowing loudly into the air now. Near the back right left, he could see a place where crystals were gone, yet the boulder had been all crystal all the way around the base. It was like something was missing. His eyes widened as his mind turned over the options. Roachie had joined him at the cave mouth and he looked down at the bug. 

"I think she's lost her young." He said, well aware the bug wouldn't answer, before looking back at the creature as it called again.

The creature continued its endless bellowing for hours, all the while Jim and Roachie stood in the entrance watching it. Spock returned eventually, and Jim had to wave him down from attacking the creature. Instead he waved him over.

"I think she's lost her young." Jim explained once the Vulcan had joined him in the cave mouth. 

“It would explain her behaviour.” Spock agreed. 

“Could the Yabba’s have something to do with it?”

“It is possible given our experience with them.”

“Well if it’s possible, then we need to help.” Jim began his shuffle using the wall as support, heading for his phaser. Spock cut him off.

“I must advise you against this course of action.” He said seriously. Jim shook his head.

"Unless we do something the creature could become more violent."

"How do you evaluate the creature will react if we return successfully with her young. There is a high possibility she will then turn on us still." Spock insisted.

"It's better than letting her grow so frantic we become enemies."

"How do you know we are not already?"

"Because Spock." Jim finally rounded on him. "This morning when I woke that creature had its head inside this cave. It did not attack me even though my movements could have provoked it unintentionally. I don't think it's a bad creature, I think it's just scared for its young. Wouldn't you be scared if your child went missing?" 

"My hypothetical child would be Vulcan, therefore there would be little need to worry after their health and safety." Jim fought off the urge to roll his eyes.

"What about the human half Spock? You can't tell me that wouldn't worry and feel because I know it does. You're doing it to me right now, though I know you won't admit it."

"Captain, if you insist on this course of action I will be forced to take drastic measures to ensure your safety.”

“Like what Mr Spock?” Jim dared, turning to Spock. He instantly regretted his words as Spock's hand went to his shoulder and everything went black.

*****

When he woke, the first thing he became aware of was the fact his hands were bound behind his back tightly. He tried to roll off his stomach, but pain tore through his chest and he grunted and fell flat again. Jim turned his head with a huff, looking around their cave. Spock was gone again, no doubt under the impression that simply tying him down would stop him.

“Roachie?” Jim called softly, struggling to turn his head to look around. He couldn't hear the bug snuffling around, Spock must have taken it with him. He huffed and struggled against the shoelaces which held his hands together. He tried again to roll onto his back, this time managing to get part of the way before he had to stop due to chest pains. At least now he could properly see.

Darkness had settled outside, the soft glow of the crystals beautiful but haunting now he know what lay deep within them. Still, he had to do this. He let himself drop back onto his stomach, pressing his face into the dirt. It was somewhat humiliating, trying to bend his legs up under himself and hoist his bottom up into the air. At least it was working though and he managed to get himself into somewhat of a kneeling position, that allowed him to sit up.

He sighed, doing his best to stretch out the numbness from his shoulders before he went about trying to stand. Of course being able to stand meant little without the use of his hands. He couldn't be expected to fight bound. Not to mention Spock had used his shoelaces to tie him up, leaving him with shoes that threatened to fall off at any moment. He had to press on though. Spock was going in alone for the sake of sparing him, but as captain he wasn't about to stand for that. Spock had gotten the drop on the creature the night before due to Jim distracting it. 

Jim remember to grab up his phaser this time, stuffing it into his back pocket, before he tried his best to break out into a run. He could only reach about the speed of power walking, but it was better than staying still. It hurt to move; he was at least ninety percent sure one of his ribs was broken and his ankle was messed up. He made sure to give the creature, Crystalist as he had decided to call them in his head, a wide berth just in case. When he reached the tree line he looked back at the cave. For all he knew it might be the last time he looked upon their home-away-from-home. He shook his head at the thought before returning his mind to the task at hand. He had to remember how deep in he had traveled looking for Spock last night. 

The first part of the journey was uneventful, aside from some of the smaller camouflage lizards crawling across his view. He was distracted enough by them to trip over both his own shoes and a rock, crashing down onto the ground. He huffed painfully, his chest on fire. He struggled to his feet again, cursing softly.

“Damn Vulcan.” He muttered angrily under his breath. For a moment he fell silent, listening to the sounds around him. He hadn’t yet reached the darkest part of the forest, but the tree’s around him had grown somewhat dimmer. When he was sure he couldn’t hear anything, he moved on again, wandering further into the darkness ahead. He didn’t get much further before he heard shuffling of something moving just beyond the trees in front of him. He flinched back, preparing for an attack. A familiar creature came rolling out of the darkness suddenly, it bounded off a tree root and collided with Jim’s leg. Against his better judgement he let out a laugh of relief and knelt down.

“Roachie.” He said as the bug came out of its ball. It looked up at him for a moment before running circles around him. 

“Okay okay, good bug.” He calmed, and the bug stopped in front of him. “Now I need you to do something okay? I need you to chew through these laces, can you do that Roachie?”

The bug cocked its head at him. Jim sighed and shifted so he was sitting with his back to the bug, offering his hands the best he could. 

“Chew through the laces Roachie, I know you understand. You’re a smart bug.” Roachie looked at Jim’s hands for a moment, then proceeded to rub it’s head against them, the way it did when it was asking for food.

“No, no, chew through the laces.” Jim tried to coax, moving his wrists to in front of the bugs face. However it simply continued its rubbing, seeming oblivious to Jim’s actual wishes. He sighed heavily, concluding to the notion this idea wasn’t going to work.

A loud yell suddenly broke the air, causing some Yabba’s to flee from their perches and Jim’s head to snap up. 

“Spock!” he cried out with thinking, scrambling to his feet. He heard Roachies squeak of surprise, but he ignored it and charged off in the direction of the noise. “Spock!”

Even as the forest around him drew darker, his pace didn’t slow. He stumbled multiple times but it didn’t matter. Spock was in danger and that was enough to make the fear seize his chest tightly. It didn’t help that he soon came across a tree with green blood splattered across part of the trunk. The blood had to be fresh, the way it was smeared.

“Spock?” Jim called out in a softer voice, hoping the Vulcan was nearby. When no reply came he shifted quietly forwards, making sure he was careful in his step. The forest was almost pitch black when he paused again. Off to his right he could hear the soft familiar scuffling of a roacher, though whether it was his bug he couldn’t tell. He continued on regardless, keeping his footsteps light and his attention focused. He wasn’t about to let that thing get the drop on him again. So when an unfamiliar sound came from his left, his instant reaction was to kick out, currently his only source of defense.

A hand grabbed his leg before it could connect with anything, and he was partly grateful as his ribs gave a spasm of pain. 

"Jim?" Spock's voice was weaker than usual as he released Jim's leg.

"I'm here Spock." Jim comforted, kneeling down beside what he hoped was the injured Vulcan, unable to see actually him. 

"You must go, it will not be long before the creature returns." Spock insisted in hushed tones.

"I'm not leaving you behind, untie my hands and we can get out together." Jim countered, matching the Vulcan's tone and volume. 

"You are injured and will die if you encounter the creature again."

"And if it comes back it'll kill you."

"The needs of the many.."

"I do not have time for your Vulcan philosophy Spock, take the phaser from my pocket."

But before Spock could move, a petrifying screech filled the air. Jim only just managed to get of the way in time before a large leg landed right where he’d been. He hit the ground a little harder than he’d expected, grunting out in pain as his ribs gave another shock wave. He shoved himself through it though, forcing himself back to his feet.

“Spock tell me where it is.” He called, the Vulcan's eyesight better than his own.

“To your right Jim!”  
Jim leaped left, a crash coming from beside him. He could feel vaguely with his foot the root of a crystal tree. With another sudden direction from Spock -”Move backwards!” - he spun around and ended up with his back against the trunk. That was when a thought hit him. Hurriedly he started rubbing his bound hands against the rough crystal, scratching his hands, but fraying the rope.

“On my signal shine the communicator on it!” Jim called as the beast screamed at him. 

After a heart stopping moment, the shoelaces broke apart and his hands were free. He grabbed the phaser from his back pocket.

"Spock now!" The Vulcan hit his cue precisely, aiming the poor light of the communicator outwards so he could see his target. Jim swung around the tree and took in the sight of the beast looming over them before he fired twice. One shot hit the creature through the chest, the other making contact with its neck. A black blood-like substance sprayed out as it keeled over onto its side. Jim let out the breath he was holding as he sensed Spock stand beside him. 

"That wasn't too bad." Jim said resting his hands on his hips.

"That was only the male of the species." 

"Only the male?!"

"Indeed, the females are bigger and more aggressive." 

"We should vacate the area post haste."

"Post haste indeed."

Using the light of the communicator, Jim located the crystal baby. Spock remained by his tree, barely on his feet. Neither of them were in any condition to run. Jim scooped up the baby creature and made his way back over to Spock.

“Now let's get out of here.” The words had barely left Jim’s mouth when another shrieking filled the air.

“Move!” Both of them set out into the fastest pace they could. However it wasn't long before they could hear the creature behind them, gaining on them quickly. Jim took a few wild shots behind them, trying to scare the creature off. But it kept coming. He could hear Spock’s breath beside him labouring harder than usual. They were both wounded and exhausted all ready. The tree’s around them had gotten brighter, but they were still far from the edge of the forest.

Spock's communicator beeped at his side and he struggled to pull it off. Jim felt a wave of relief when he heard Scotty’s voice echoing through.

“Cap’t, Mr Spock!”

“We require….immediate beam out….Mr Scott…” Spock puffed as Jim took a few more shots behind them. Another shriek filled the air, but Jim doubted it was because is shot had hit.

“I cannae get a lock on you Mr Spock, can you stop moving?” Jim felt his stomach sink.

“Negative….Mr Scott.” 

Jim’s face suddenly met the ground as his legs were pulled out from under him.

“Oh no, no, no!” He cried as he was hoisted upwards again. At least this time he had a phaser. He took a few shots in what he hopped was the right direction, still clutching the unconscious baby under one arm. One of the shots made contact, and Jim came crashing back down to the ground, shielding the baby creature from the hard fall, as the beast hissed and scurried off. Spock was at his side within seconds, and they grabbed at one another, Spock hoisting Jim back to his feet with ease. Not wasting a moment of their stolen time, Jim started off with Spock at his side, and the limped and struggled the rest of the way out of the forest. 

“Do you….think it’s gone?” Jim asked, cheeks red and puffing. Spock cast a glance at him and shook his head, unable to speak for a moment.

“It has retreated for the moment, it will no doubt be back.” Spock stood up straight and flicked open the communicator again. Jim watched him take a few steps away, talking quietly with Mr Scott. Then he turned his gaze to the crystal beast, where it now lay seemingly defeated. He looked down at the small baby under his arm as he felt it starting to stir.

“Tell Scotty to give us five minutes!” He called to Spock shifting the baby creature into his arms. Spock turned to meet his gaze and nodded before turning his gaze downward towards Jim’s feet. Jim followed his gaze and smiled.

“Wondered where you’d got to Roachie.” He said to the bug, which had sat down next to his foot. The fond smile still on his face, he looked to Spock. 

It was as if time stopped, the communicator in Spock’s hand falling as if caught in slow motion. The way his head tilted back from the force of being stabbed from behind. The foreleg now protruding from his chest, piercing him through his entire form. 

“Spock!” Time came back to him in a rush as the name left his lips, the offending limb being retracted, leaving Spock with a gaping hole in his chest. He crumbled to the ground, knees then the rest of him. The creature in Jim’s arms bellowed loudly and fearfully. The Centimantus turned on Jim then, screeching and hissing. It advanced upon him quickly and he had little time to react, shielding the baby creature in his arms, flinching away. 

A loud smacking noise sounded above him, and he dared to open his eyes to see the mother creature had risen and put herself between Jim and the Centimantus in the nick of time. The crystal covered being growled and lashed out, knocking the Centimantus away towards the treeline before following after ferociously. The baby wiggled restlessly in Jim’s arms, calling out for its mother. He released it and scooped up Roachie instead, using his chance to run over to Spock’s side. He crashed to his knees beside the male, tugging him over onto his back and attempting to halt the blood flow.

“Spock?” He asked hopefully, tapping Spock on the side of the face gently. When there was no reaction, Jim felt his fear grip at him and he scrambled to grab at the communicator in the dust. He took one last look over at the Centimantus and the crystal beasts fight before flicking open the communicator.

“Scotty beam us up now!” He ordered, grabbing hold of Roachie and the front of Spock’s shirt, clinging to both like a lifeline. They appeared seconds later in the clean white transport room, Scotty screaming orders for McCoy to be called. Jim released Spock’s shirt, eyes wide as he clutched Roachie a little tighter. There was so much blood, too much even. Jim didn’t even realise Scotty was trying to talk to him, his ears ringing with white noise. 

Roachie gurgled in his arms, Jim instinctively clutching it closer. He felt sick, and his head spun wildly. He vaguely felt a hand on his shoulder but his eyes continued staring at the hole in Spock’s chest. The nausea finally overtook him and he snapped his head to the side, violently throwing up onto the transporter pad beside him. He felt hands patting him on the back and then the world faded out completely, the last thing he heard was Scotty calling his name.

*****

Dr. McCoy took the two of them off duty for a days after, wanting to give them the time they needed to recover from their ordeal. Spock unsurprisingly healed up well and McCoy had to concede to putting him back on duty after five days. Jim however wasn’t sure whether to return as well. There was a lot about their extended stay on Targon VI he needed to process, and it took a toll on him.

There was little Bones could do for him besides put him back on his medication and try to offer him sleeping hypos. Jim refused them though, not wanting to end up relying on them for a good night's rest. He had to learn how to sleep properly again on his own terms. But it was taking longer than he’d thought. Four days went by and he’d had about four hours of sleep maximum. The insomnia was getting to him, but at least for the time being he could focus on his own mental health, even if it wasn’t going so well.

He’d admittedly been avoiding Spock ever since they had returned. Partly because the man had been busy making up for Jim’s absence, but also because of his own feelings. A burning want and desire he couldn’t control. A need to keep the man beside him. After his near death experience, Jim had wanted to release all the feelings he’d kept locked inside. However he wasn’t about to force those feelings onto Spock. He’d spent years in close quarters with the man, sharing meals and chess, perhaps it was no surprise he’d fallen in love with him. Though it was a surprise for him to realise only when they were trapped out in the wilderness together. The stars outside the window twinkled softly, bringing him back to reality for a moment. He was standing in the observation deck, the windows looming around him. Even after all this time, he still wandered here in a daze to stare at the stars. Unreachable, untouchable and distant. Beautiful. Like Spock. 

The door to the observation deck opened, but Jim was still lost in thought to care who had walked in. A low voice behind him ordered the lights to be lowered. The bright room plunged into dim light as the footsteps approached him. For a moment he believed it was McCoy, but the man was never this quiet. It was uncanny, how he could think of the Vulcan and then there he was. He heard the footsteps stop behind him, but the figure said nothing. Jim was confused, and only became more so when something was suddenly placed over his shoulders.

“You look cold.” Spock finally spoke as Jim drifted a hand up to find the blanket on his shoulders. He smiled into the darkness.

“Is this your attempt to get me to sleep?”

“Of course not captain, I am merely concerned for your health.” Formal and to the point. Jim tugged the blanket up over his head like a hood, wrapping it around himself firmly.

“Thank you Spock.” Jim said honestly, his eyes still out the window. Only now he could see Spock’s reflection behind him, stern and straight. Though in his eyes, Jim could see the softness. There was a silence between them and Jim watched as Spock’s hand raised from his side, floating in the ocean of space between them. He wanted nothing more in that heartbeat, than to take a step back against Spock’s hand. But he didn’t, and slowly the hand lowered and drifted away. More silence followed.

“Jim…” Spock’s voice was gentle. “Is there anyway I can…?”

Jim knew he was being a pain. The captain of a Starship yet he couldn’t sleep, barely ate and his first officer was running the ship for him. He sunk his chin to his chest.

“Jim.” Spock took a step forwards. “Let me help.”

Those words had always stirred something in him. Some memory he’d repressed in order to escape the pain. But Spock was bringing them back to the forefront of his mind. Walking hand in hand with Edith Keeler, telling her about the stars.

“Let me help.” Jim mumbled under his breath. The gears in his mind shifted all at once, the pieces lining up and clicking into place. He turned to Spock. “You’ve said that a lot lately, let me help.”

“Indeed captain. I wish to convey that I am here for your assistance should you need it.”

“Call me Jim, Spock. I like it better when you call me Jim.” He took a step towards Spock. 

“As you wish, Jim.” Spock inclined his head slightly towards him. 

“You know your words have a double meaning.” Jim batted his eyelashes softly. Spock raised his eyebrow innocently. “A double meaning that until now has escaped me.”

“I was beginning to wonder if you would realise at all.” Spock finally admitted, clearing what remained of the space between them so he was right in front of Jim. 

“Spock.” Jim whispered, reaching out a hand to lay on Spock’s chest. Spock visibly shuddered under the touch and the sound of his name leaving Jim's lips.

“Jim.” His voice rumbled as he spoke, hands coming to rest on either side of Jim’s face, trapping the blanket to his head. Jim’s fingers curled into Spock’s shirt.

“Don’t go..” He murmured, pulling the Vulcan in closer. 

“I will not leave you.” Spock promised closing the last of the distance between them to press their lips together. It was a chaste peck on the lips at best, but Jim still sighed dreamily when Spock pulled back an inch. Jim smiled and shifted his hand to cup Spock’s cheek, gently guiding him back in for another kiss. Spock’s arm shifted, curling around his waist and pulling him in till they were pressed against one another, their bodies melding together. 

It was dizzying the effect it had on him. He half expected to be suddenly swept off his feet like a princess and carried far, far away from the Enterprise. And in that moment he would have allowed it. But then Spock’s warm lips were gone and his face was being pressed into Spock’s shoulder. The room had turned brighter as well. That was when the new voice in the room gathered his attention.

“I’m so sorry commander Spock!” The young ensigns voice said from the direction of the doorway.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt..”

“You are dismissed ensign.” Spock ordered and Jim heard the hiss of air as the door closed. He chanced turning his head to look at Spock. The Vulcan was already watching him, regarding him quietly.

“I do not think they saw who you were.” Spock spoke quietly, smoothing down the blanket over Jim’s back. “The blanket effectively is covering ninety-eight percent of your form.”

“Does it matter?” Jim asked softly. “Maybe I want people to know that you are mine?”

“You are the captain.” Spock reminded, settling a hand on his cheek. “This could be viewed as favoritism.”

“Well it’s no secret that I favor you.” 

“Until we disclose ourselves to Starfleet, I believe our best interests is to keep this between us.” Jim sighed through his nose.

“Ever the logical you are. I understand what you mean though. All right, just between us for now.” Spock nodded.

“Perhaps we should take this to more private quarters to avoid another incident.” He suggested and Jim chuckled.

“Your place or mine?” He asked coyly. Spock raised an eyebrow and pressed another quick kiss to him.

“Yours.” The Vulcan went to move away but Jim grabbed his arm.

“My legs don’t want to move Mr. Spock. I’m afraid you’ll have to carry me.” He battered his eyelashes at his first officer.

“Jim, it is unwise.”

“Not if you take the maintenance tunnels.” Spock sighed, relenting and suddenly sweeping Jim off his feet. Jim let out a gasp, then a laugh as Spock righted him in his arms. 

“Not too heavy?” Jim asked.

“I am thrice as strong as a normal hum-”

“Spock I’m teasing you.”

“Oh. No you are not heavy.” Jim chuckled as Spock turned and they made their way out into the corridor. Spock did indeed take the maintenance tunnels, winding his way back to the turbolift. From there it was a straight shot to the captain's cabin where they took refuge. As they entered Spock called for the lights, the room filling with a soft glow. A rather loud and obvious squeak greeted them, Spock almost dropping Jim in his shock. Jim laughed and hopped to his feet.

“Jim you did not…”

“Don't worry, Bones has cleared her for anything dangerous.” Jim caught Roachie as the bug jumped happily into his arms. “And we discovered that Roachie is actually a she and she can eat any form for rock, her body is able to digest it.” He picked up a rock from his bedside table and offered it to the bug. Roachie gobbled it up, nudging Jim's hand for more.

“Are those from the science department?” Spock asked, pointing at the rocks. 

“I was told they wouldn't be missed.”

Spock sighed, though it sounded like he was holding most of it back, before he moved forward and caught Jim around the waist. 

“Such an illogical human.” Spock said fondly before their lips met again and Jim felt that same spark as before.

“I’ll never grow tired of that.” He murmured against the Vulcan's lips. Spock took Jim's hand carefully, pressing his two forefingers to Jim's. A spark ran down Jim's arm, warm and comforting.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Originally I got a bit ambitious with this fic and a few things had to be cut due to time constraints, but I'm happy with how it came out in the finish. I hope you readers enjoyed this fic!  
> You can find my main blog at [SweetSilentSteps](http://sweetsilentsteps.tumblr.com/)  
> And my Star Trek central blog is here; [spirkandkock](https://spirkandkock.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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